The Awful, Awful Truth

Today I turned on the TV and there was Ray Milland. He caught me in his grip in an instant. Unfortunately Jane Wyman was with him. That lady is such a buzz-kill. The movie was painful to watch. More on that, but at first I just couldn't get past the dress.

I came in on a scene where Jane is wearing this crazy awful white lace off the shoulder thing that I am at first convinced must be a wedding dress. Then she walks across the room and we see the very fitted trousers exposed by the curtain like opening in the front. There was a particularly tasteless period in Hollywood costume design where most actresses had a turn prancing around in this combination. These stiffly-fitted outfits tended to look uncomfortable, and often had prickly looking metallic accents.

Here it is in "technicolor"

Every lady has to has to have an endless supply of gowns to wear for the informal I'm-not-dressed-to-go-out-but-not-in-my-pajamas look. I could make the case that this dress presents the wearer as an upside-down flower. The flouncy layers of skirt open up like petals to reveal the nectar-loaded stamen for the hungry bee. Additionally there is a huge flower decorating her waist, just in case the bee isn't very bright and needs some extra navigational help. Subliminal sex appeal. It still has look difficult enough to get out of that the illusion of propriety is maintained.

In the '30s the euphemistically called "casual lounging at home" ensemble was a softly flowing unstructured gown required to have lush fur or feathers covering enormous sleeves. Totally impractical for doing anything other than "receiving male callers" in. Much too suggestive, and much to easy to slip out of. 

Now that I've had my say on that we can get back to the movie, unfortunately named "Let's Do it Again". Oh how I wish they hadn't. (What is it with Hollywood and its consistent foible of badly remaking wonderful movies?)

I didn't realize what they'd done to one of my favorite movies until Jane shows up at Ray's stuffy new fiancee's party, and freaks everyone out with a super slutty routine as "his sister." Irene Dunne did a beautifully cringe inducing turn in this role in 'The Awful Truth." (more on that later) This version is devoid of any charm, sparkle, or humour. 

This is Jane's big dance number and she sings a song so lewd that even the dimmest person in the room knows she is singing about fulfilling wanton lust. They really played this scene up in all the publicity for the movie. Jane can sing, and she can follow the choreography, but can she sell it? No way. The only reason the song doesn't fall completely flat is that its so dirty you cant wait to hear  what the next line will be. Oh, and her dress moves a lot. One might think that her zero sex appeal would make others around her sparkle in comparison. Not so. A room with Jane Wyman in it is a sexual vacuum. I've always thought Jane was a dreary little pill, and this pitiful remake of a great movie proves my point. 

Ray Milland is a guy who makes my knees go weak. Naturally he is handsome and charming. A leading man must be. But Ray is debonair—how many people are debonair anymore? There is a sparkle of wit in his eye, a smile ready to sneak out. Ray has charisma. Jane does not.

Jane has something people like, but it eludes me. Jane is prim, serious. You know something awful will happen to her and she will be brave. She's most emphatically not the sex pot in that poster, and she has no feel for comedy. 

In her early career Jane did her time singing and dancing like everyone did. They liked her enough to give her good parts right away. She was a big star for quite a long time, although she's not really a household name anymore. Some people probably know her from Falcon Crest, which I never saw. Trivia geeks might know her as Ronald Reagan's first wife. In the '50s Jane walked stoically through Douglas Sirk's big melodramas, "Magnificent Obsession" and "All that Heaven Allows". Please don't ever make me watch either of those again. At my age I can't afford the frown lines.

 I know I have to see "The Lost Weekend", but its hard to imagine that my low rating of Jane will shift much.

Quotes from Bachelor Aprtment

Rollins, Wayne's Butler: [holding up a diamond bracelet] Er, I found this, sir. 
Wayne Carter: You find the strangest things in a bachelor's apartment. 
Rollins, Wayne's Butler: Do you suppose the lady lost anything else, sir? 
Wayne Carter: Well, if she did, she didn't lose it here.